does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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