On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
