I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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