we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize