That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
