he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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