i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I need to align my fucking chakras
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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