you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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