Already got asked if we're dating
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
