she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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