we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
