I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
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..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
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Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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