Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
