You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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