She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
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I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
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They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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