there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
as a side note pls kill me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
