I can't breathe out the right side of my face
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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