What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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