She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Are my feet made of real feet?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
