**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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