Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
