If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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