Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
