I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
