Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
