A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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