Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
