I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Randomize
