yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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