then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
