You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
