so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
