why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
