I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
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