i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
