I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
