I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
