I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't deserve a penis
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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