PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
