and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
