Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
