You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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