i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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