We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
