here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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