Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
