Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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