The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
