I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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