When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I have tasted many bathrooms
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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