well I can't set my house on fire every night
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
