So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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