Will you blow on my dice?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
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Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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