white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
