apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
