we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
