That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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