he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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