Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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