I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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