I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Your cock deserves a montage
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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