just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
