no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
