watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
