I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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