he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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