maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
