i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
