Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
