God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
