Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
